This is a story about HOPE. It is personal. It is revealing. But, I share it in the hope that maybe someone else will receive a glimmer of hope about raising his or her troubled teenager. If you are not in this situation, I HOPE you will not judge harshly what you are about to read. It really is true that you cannot fully comprehend what someone is going through unless you have been in his or her shoes. I am the mother of a troubled teen, a former troubled teen and, hopefully, not a future troubled teen (although she has caused quite a few problems already that I will not go into in THIS story!).
Let me tell you my story in a nutshell. My oldest son, who is now 18, struggled with ADD and depression for years. In 8th grade, he had to have his stomach pumped because he took a handful of ibuprofen because he was upset with me. Before that, he tried to light leaves on fire on the school bus and ended up on probation (and school suspension). He was on medication for ADD and was also taking prescription drugs that were not prescribed for him. Oh, and there was marijuana and cigarettes too. He was an excellent student until about 9th grade when he decided school was not important and all teachers were idiots. So, there were 3-4 years of CONSTANT battles about his studies and many calls from the school about his misbehavior. This all climaxed into one of the worst nights of my life when he had to be taken to the hospital because he was suicidal.
My youngest son, who is almost 16, decided a year ago to live with me full-time instead of going back and forth to his dad's house because he was tired of his dad's rules. Guess he figured I was a pushover. He then got involved with kids who were abusing over-the-counter drugs like cough medicine and Coricidin Cough and Cold (Triple C). And, there was seemingly some abuse of prescription drugs and marijuana too. He denies all of this to this day, and I only have the circumstantial evidence I regularly found in his room. We had an intervention with him which was another one of the worst nights of my life. He became a child we did not know. Swearing at us. Yelling. Punching holes in walls. He ended up at the hospital because I was afraid of what he was going to do. During this intervention, he and his dad got into an altercation while we tried to restrain him from running away, and my son has since cut all ties with his dad.
A couple of months after that incident, my son and some friends got caught up in a vandalism spree one evening which led to indefinite probation and many other penalties. Oh, and despite my best efforts, he also has decided school is not that important, and for years I have battled with him about getting HIS homework turned in. And, there are also the horrendous screaming matches and battles of wits that I have endured with him the past year. Honestly, in my weakest moments, there were times I wished he WOULD run away when he threatened it! (Do not judge me if you have not been in my shoes!)
I have gone back and forth about what to do with my youngest troubled teenage son. I have considered sending him to a wilderness camp, putting him in drug rehab, putting him in foster care, and the like. But, I just could not do it. My gut said none of those things was the right option.
How have I managed to survive raising troubled teenagers? I DID NOT give up! I prayed. A lot. Asked for prayer. Cried. Read lots and lots of parenting articles, books, newsletters and courses. I took a life coaching course which really helped me to deal with all the turmoil.
How are my troubled teenagers doing now? My oldest son was voted the male senior "Most Likely to Make Your Day", amongst other things, at his high school. He is a "huggy" type of guy. He has an excellent job at a cheese manufacturing plant, earning fabulous wages and learning many valuable skills. It is quite a feat for an 18 year old, especially in this economy. Will he go to college? Probably not, especially now that he is convinced the world is going to blow up in a few years in a nuclear war. But, that is another story...
My youngest son - well, I am pretty sure he is doing things he should not be doing, like many troubled teenagers, but I just cannot catch him! The past couple of weeks I feel that he has reached a fork in the road, and I am hoping he chooses the right path. And, with the skills I have learned the past year and with the natural evolution of a maturing teen, we have a pretty good relationship, all things considered. It is tiring, emotionally draining, and a lot of work raising troubled teenagers. His grades are BETTER, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. I have not received any calls from the school dean this year. So, that is good! And, all of his teachers think he is great and say how smart he is and what potential he has. (He is MY son, after all.) Hopefully, he will take this to heart and DO something with it. We will see.
I cannot describe in this short story all the details of our trials and tribulations, nor the ANGUISH and DESPAIR I have endured as a parent raising troubled teenagers the past 6 years. Suffice it to say, there have been NUMEROUS times when I truly wanted to run away or worse. But, that which does not kill us makes us stronger! And, if I have learned anything valuable, I have learned these things:
Let me tell you my story in a nutshell. My oldest son, who is now 18, struggled with ADD and depression for years. In 8th grade, he had to have his stomach pumped because he took a handful of ibuprofen because he was upset with me. Before that, he tried to light leaves on fire on the school bus and ended up on probation (and school suspension). He was on medication for ADD and was also taking prescription drugs that were not prescribed for him. Oh, and there was marijuana and cigarettes too. He was an excellent student until about 9th grade when he decided school was not important and all teachers were idiots. So, there were 3-4 years of CONSTANT battles about his studies and many calls from the school about his misbehavior. This all climaxed into one of the worst nights of my life when he had to be taken to the hospital because he was suicidal.
My youngest son, who is almost 16, decided a year ago to live with me full-time instead of going back and forth to his dad's house because he was tired of his dad's rules. Guess he figured I was a pushover. He then got involved with kids who were abusing over-the-counter drugs like cough medicine and Coricidin Cough and Cold (Triple C). And, there was seemingly some abuse of prescription drugs and marijuana too. He denies all of this to this day, and I only have the circumstantial evidence I regularly found in his room. We had an intervention with him which was another one of the worst nights of my life. He became a child we did not know. Swearing at us. Yelling. Punching holes in walls. He ended up at the hospital because I was afraid of what he was going to do. During this intervention, he and his dad got into an altercation while we tried to restrain him from running away, and my son has since cut all ties with his dad.
A couple of months after that incident, my son and some friends got caught up in a vandalism spree one evening which led to indefinite probation and many other penalties. Oh, and despite my best efforts, he also has decided school is not that important, and for years I have battled with him about getting HIS homework turned in. And, there are also the horrendous screaming matches and battles of wits that I have endured with him the past year. Honestly, in my weakest moments, there were times I wished he WOULD run away when he threatened it! (Do not judge me if you have not been in my shoes!)
I have gone back and forth about what to do with my youngest troubled teenage son. I have considered sending him to a wilderness camp, putting him in drug rehab, putting him in foster care, and the like. But, I just could not do it. My gut said none of those things was the right option.
How have I managed to survive raising troubled teenagers? I DID NOT give up! I prayed. A lot. Asked for prayer. Cried. Read lots and lots of parenting articles, books, newsletters and courses. I took a life coaching course which really helped me to deal with all the turmoil.
How are my troubled teenagers doing now? My oldest son was voted the male senior "Most Likely to Make Your Day", amongst other things, at his high school. He is a "huggy" type of guy. He has an excellent job at a cheese manufacturing plant, earning fabulous wages and learning many valuable skills. It is quite a feat for an 18 year old, especially in this economy. Will he go to college? Probably not, especially now that he is convinced the world is going to blow up in a few years in a nuclear war. But, that is another story...
My youngest son - well, I am pretty sure he is doing things he should not be doing, like many troubled teenagers, but I just cannot catch him! The past couple of weeks I feel that he has reached a fork in the road, and I am hoping he chooses the right path. And, with the skills I have learned the past year and with the natural evolution of a maturing teen, we have a pretty good relationship, all things considered. It is tiring, emotionally draining, and a lot of work raising troubled teenagers. His grades are BETTER, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. I have not received any calls from the school dean this year. So, that is good! And, all of his teachers think he is great and say how smart he is and what potential he has. (He is MY son, after all.) Hopefully, he will take this to heart and DO something with it. We will see.
I cannot describe in this short story all the details of our trials and tribulations, nor the ANGUISH and DESPAIR I have endured as a parent raising troubled teenagers the past 6 years. Suffice it to say, there have been NUMEROUS times when I truly wanted to run away or worse. But, that which does not kill us makes us stronger! And, if I have learned anything valuable, I have learned these things:
- I am NOT a horrible parent, but I am not perfect either and there is always something to learn.
- My child is really NOT evil. Really. No, really!
- Go with your gut instinct. Be overprotective if your gut says you need to be.
- Pray. Talk to others. Ask for help. You are not alone.
- Do not be afraid to make your kid mad. But, an angry response does not always indicate guilt.
- Cry if you need to cry. It will make you feel better (for a little while, anyway).
- LISTEN more than you talk. Kids really appreciate that.
- Do not assume. Do not accuse. Do not judge.
- LOVE your children with all your heart - even when they are at their WORST. Look at baby pictures if you cannot remember WHY they are lovable.
- Most importantly - do not give up! HOLD ON TO HOPE!!! With patience and love (for your kid and yourself), you will succeed in turning that troubled teenager into a triumphant teenager!
Chanin Zellner is an author, entrepreneur and life coach who has over 25 years of experience in the field of self-improvement. For more information about positive thinking and the power of your mind, check out http://positivethinkingforkids.com.
If you would like to reprint this article on your website, you may, providing you print it in its entirety, make no changes, credit me, and give a link to my site. I'd love to know, too!
If you would like to reprint this article on your website, you may, providing you print it in its entirety, make no changes, credit me, and give a link to my site. I'd love to know, too!
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