Oh, what a difference there is between hoping and expecting.
We can HOPE for something, with a clear conscience, accepting the result with dignity and grace whatever it may be.
To hope is to wish without expectation. You prefer a particular result, but you don't count on it eventuating. Therefore, disappointment may follow an unfavoured fall of the dice, but not the despair that can come from expectation.
On the other hand, we can EXPECT a specific outcome, but a negative result can be downright devastating.
In expecting a good outcome, we put all our eggs in one basket, and in effect, gamble on just one result. If it goes pear-shaped, we've put all our money on a horse that runs last. No wonder we're shattered.
Image a child, five years old. Birthday morning is here. Her HOPE is for a beautiful doll, with long blonde hair and a pretty face. Each gift she opens becomes more exciting until, yes, there it is. The doll she hoped would appear is really there. The joy is palpable.
Now image another child, also five, who EXPECTS to receive her doll. She does, and her emotion is little better than an anti-climax. Everything is 'as it should be'. No biggie - now what else is there?
Same scenario, but this time in both cases the doll fails to materialise. The child who hopes, experiences disappointment, no doubt. But rather short-lived when compared to the devastation felt by the child who expected to receive, but didn't.
By expecting, she allowed no room for the possibility of failure.
A wish is gentle - an expectation is harsh and demanding.
Which would you prefer?
(a) to hope for an outcome that may or may not occur
or
(b) to place all your emotions on one result, and risk devastation.
It can be seen that the softer option is far easier to cope with, whichever way it goes. So change those demands you expect from others, and yourself for that matter.
Our inner voice talks to us all the time. Be careful what that voice is telling you.
Here are some words to avoid.
Must..........
Will............
Have to.......
Necessary.....
Imperative....
Important.....
Essential......
Vital...........
There are, of course, occasions where these words are entirely appropriate, but for most of our everyday situations, they can be substituted for words such as:-
Prefer.............
Rather............
It's better that...
I would like......
I choose to.......
You can see that these words soften the demanding nature suggested by the first group. See how you put unnecessary pressure on yourself, by using extreme language in your inner conversation?
Be kind to yourself, and others, by catching those harsh words mid-sentence, and substituting them with those softer words which help you accept that things can go either way.
Jessie Hart - author and owner of Love Matters 2 Me. A website designed to provide assistance in the areas of Appearance, Personality and Self Help. There are signposts to offer reference points, covering topics such as fashion and accessories, grooming, weight management, anger, aggression, anxiety, confidence, friendships, forgiveness, love, mood swings, relationships, self image, shyness, etc. Also links to agencies that can assist with addictions (smoking, alcohol, gambling, drugs) and domestic abuse.
Click thru and check it out. http://www.lovematters2me.com
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